Ang TSAA (The tea)
Rich Vampire: Oorder ako ng fresh blood.
Rich Vampire: May I order some fresh blood.
Ordinary Vampire: Sa akin isang order na dinuguan.
Ordinary Vampire: For me one order of dinuguan(Filipino dish).
Poor Vampire: Hot water na lang sa akin.
Poor Vampire: For me just hot water.
Waiter: Bakit hot water lang po.?
Waiter: Just hot water Sir?
Poor Vampire: Nakapulot kasi ako ng napkin sa kanto. Mag-tsa tsaa na lang ako... Hahaha!
Poor Vampire: Yes, I just found a napkin on my way here. That is why I'll just make some Tea.
ANNULMENT
Isang magasawa ang dumulog sa korte para magpa-annul.
One couple wants to get annul
Judge: Ano ang dahilan para kayo magpaannul?
Judge: What's your reason to apply for annulment?
Babae: (Nagsalita habang nakayuko) Your honor, katawan lang ang gusto niya sa akin.
Babae: (Mumbles while facing the ground) Your honor, His just after my body.
Judge: Anong pruyba mo?
Judge: Do you have any proof?
Babae: (Nakayuko pa rin) Tuwing nag love making kami tinatakpan niya ng towel ang mukha ko.
Babae: (Still facing the ground) His always covering my face with towel when we're having sex.
Judge: Ikaw Mister bakit mo ginawa yun?
Judge: Mister why are you doing that?
Mister: No comment your Honour. Just see for yourself.
Misis: (Nagalit at ihinarap ang mukha sa Judge) See bastos talaga ang taong yan.
Misis: (Gets angry and face the judge) See his rudeness.
Judge: (Habang nakatingin kay Misis.) Annulment petition granted. Ikaw naman lalaki, bakit ngayon ka lang nagfile ng annulment? Ang tiyaga mo.
Judge: (While facing his Wife.) Annulment petition granted. Husband what take you so long to file an annulment?
COMMON SENSE
Isang bata, nagpasa ng blank paper sa art teacher...
One kid pass a blank paper to the art teacher.
Teacher: Bakit blank ang work mo?
Teacher: Why didn't you write anything?
Bata: Nagdrawing po ako ng baka at damo.
Bata: I draw some cow and grass.
Teacher: (tinignan ulit ang papel) San ang damo?
Teacher: (Looks at the paper and said) Where's the grass?
Bata: Ubos na po,kinain ng baka.
Bata: It's already eaten by the cow.
Teacher: (kamot sa ulo) Eh nasaan yong baka?
Teacher: (Scratches head) So, where's the cow?
Bata: Ano pa gagawin ng baka dyan, eh wala ng damo? syempre umalis na po. Common sense naman mam!
Bata: The cow wouldn't do anything in there, that is why it left. Common sense Mam!
MATAPANG
Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo,
Pedro: Paeng is so brave
tumalon sa eroplano nang walang parachute!
He jumps off an air plane without parachute!
Juan: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Juan: Ohh, Really? Where did you hear about it?
Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!
Pedro: In his memorial!
ULAM (Dish)
Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin,
Pedro: Do you remember our cat?
kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Even though we left our dish uncovered in the table, it will not try to dine in.
Juan: Maniwala ako?! Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Why should I believe you! Pedro: It was real!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Juan: What was your meal?
Pedro: Asin!
Pedro: Rock salt!
SPANISH
Juan: Tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish.
Juan: Ask me in English, and I'm going to answer in Spanish.
Pedro: What is more important? Heart or Mind?
Pedro: What is more important? Heart or Mind?
Juan: Spanish!!!
PANG LIMA (FIFTH)
Jinggoy: Dad, pang ilang Tirso Cruz na si Tirso Cruz III?
Jinggoy: Dad, What generation of Tirso Cruz, is Tirso Cruz III?
Erap : (natawa) Trick question ba yan anak? Eh, di pang-lima, kaya nga PIP ang tawag sa kanya, di ba?
Erap : (Laughs) is that a trick question my son? His fifth, that is why everyone calls him PIP, right?
ANG UWAK(THE CROW)
Teacher: Juan i-english mo eto.
Teacher: Juan, translate it in English.
Juan: What mam?
Teacher: "Ang uwak ay hinang-hinang nglakad"
Teacher: "The crow is weak"
Juan: "The wak wak weak weak wok wok..."
INIWAN (LEFT BEHIND)
Pedro: ang sakit sakit tol! bakit iniwan niya ako??
Pedro: It hurts dude! Why did she leave me??
Juan: Bakit? saan ba dapat kayo pupunta?
Juan: Why? Where do you guys plan to go?
Pedro: ...
MAKA-DIYOS (FAITHFUL TO GOD)
Dad: Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?
Dad: Is your boyfriend kind?
Anak: Yes, Daddy.
Daddy: Maka-Diyos?
Daddy: Reverent?
Anak: Sobra Dad.
Anak: so much Dad.
Daddy: Nasaan siya?
Daddy: Where is he?
Anak: Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!
Anak: His in the church, our priest!
That's all for today, Thank you
Rich Vampire: Oorder ako ng fresh blood.
Rich Vampire: May I order some fresh blood.
Ordinary Vampire: Sa akin isang order na dinuguan.
Ordinary Vampire: For me one order of dinuguan(Filipino dish).
Poor Vampire: Hot water na lang sa akin.
Poor Vampire: For me just hot water.
Waiter: Bakit hot water lang po.?
Waiter: Just hot water Sir?
Poor Vampire: Nakapulot kasi ako ng napkin sa kanto. Mag-tsa tsaa na lang ako... Hahaha!
Poor Vampire: Yes, I just found a napkin on my way here. That is why I'll just make some Tea.
ANNULMENT
Isang magasawa ang dumulog sa korte para magpa-annul.
One couple wants to get annul
Judge: Ano ang dahilan para kayo magpaannul?
Judge: What's your reason to apply for annulment?
Babae: (Nagsalita habang nakayuko) Your honor, katawan lang ang gusto niya sa akin.
Babae: (Mumbles while facing the ground) Your honor, His just after my body.
Judge: Do you have any proof?
Babae: (Still facing the ground) His always covering my face with towel when we're having sex.
Judge: Mister why are you doing that?
Mister: No comment your Honour. Just see for yourself.
Misis: (Nagalit at ihinarap ang mukha sa Judge) See bastos talaga ang taong yan.
Misis: (Gets angry and face the judge) See his rudeness.
Judge: (While facing his Wife.) Annulment petition granted. Husband what take you so long to file an annulment?
COMMON SENSE
Isang bata, nagpasa ng blank paper sa art teacher...
One kid pass a blank paper to the art teacher.
Teacher: Bakit blank ang work mo?
Teacher: Why didn't you write anything?
Bata: Nagdrawing po ako ng baka at damo.
Bata: I draw some cow and grass.
Teacher: (Looks at the paper and said) Where's the grass?
Bata: It's already eaten by the cow.
Teacher: (kamot sa ulo) Eh nasaan yong baka?
Teacher: (Scratches head) So, where's the cow?
Bata: Ano pa gagawin ng baka dyan, eh wala ng damo? syempre umalis na po. Common sense naman mam!
Bata: The cow wouldn't do anything in there, that is why it left. Common sense Mam!
MATAPANG
Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo,
Pedro: Paeng is so brave
He jumps off an air plane without parachute!
Juan: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Juan: Ohh, Really? Where did you hear about it?
Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!
Pedro: In his memorial!
ULAM (Dish)
Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin,
Pedro: Do you remember our cat?
kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Even though we left our dish uncovered in the table, it will not try to dine in.
Juan: Maniwala ako?! Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Why should I believe you! Pedro: It was real!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Juan: What was your meal?
Pedro: Asin!
Pedro: Rock salt!
SPANISH
Juan: Tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish.
Juan: Ask me in English, and I'm going to answer in Spanish.
Pedro: What is more important? Heart or Mind?
Juan: Spanish!!!
PANG LIMA (FIFTH)
Jinggoy: Dad, pang ilang Tirso Cruz na si Tirso Cruz III?
Jinggoy: Dad, What generation of Tirso Cruz, is Tirso Cruz III?
Erap : (natawa) Trick question ba yan anak? Eh, di pang-lima, kaya nga PIP ang tawag sa kanya, di ba?
Erap : (Laughs) is that a trick question my son? His fifth, that is why everyone calls him PIP, right?
ANG UWAK(THE CROW)
Teacher: Juan i-english mo eto.
Teacher: Juan, translate it in English.
Juan: What mam?
Teacher: "Ang uwak ay hinang-hinang nglakad"
Teacher: "The crow is weak"
INIWAN (LEFT BEHIND)
Pedro: ang sakit sakit tol! bakit iniwan niya ako??
Pedro: It hurts dude! Why did she leave me??
Juan: Why? Where do you guys plan to go?
MAKA-DIYOS (FAITHFUL TO GOD)
Dad: Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?
Dad: Is your boyfriend kind?
Daddy: Maka-Diyos?
Daddy: Reverent?
Anak: Sobra Dad.
Anak: so much Dad.
Daddy: Nasaan siya?
Daddy: Where is he?
Anak: His in the church, our priest!
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